Where Accountability
Meets Dark Humor
The defense and government world has earned the right to laugh at itself. The Burn Pit is The Acquirer's venue for good-natured public roasting and corporate entertainment — anchored in truth, delivered with precision.
Public Roast
Nominate your company or Government office for a good public roasting — the kind that builds culture, acknowledges absurdity, and reminds everyone that the best organizations can take a joke. Nominations are reviewed, research is conducted, and the roast is published across The Acquirer's platforms.
- Companies and Government offices — fair game
- Individuals in a major, public-facing role of significant status — reviewed case by case
- Private individuals — not a chance
- Political themes — they aren't funny
- Anything that could be construed as classified information — hard stop
Submit a Nomination
Corporate Events
Book The Acquirer as a "motivational speaker" or commission a custom internal company or Government prank. We design and deliver tailored entertainment that lands — because we know the audience. Perfect for all-hands meetings, offsite retreats, awards ceremonies, and anything that could use a dose of self-awareness.
"Motivational Speaker"
A keynote-style appearance that re-defines what motivational means for a defense audience. Custom-written, context-aware, memorably uncomfortable.
Custom Internal Prank
A scripted, coordinated prank designed specifically for your team or office. We handle the concept, execution plan, and any follow-up roast content.
Corporate event pricing and availability is discussed directly. Reach out to start the conversation — tell us who you are, what you're planning, and why your organization has earned this.