About The National Acquirer

Who We Are

The National Acquirer is America's premier source for satirical defense acquisition news. Since 1990, we've been shining a spotlight — sometimes a searchlight, sometimes a flashlight with dying batteries bought from the lowest bidder — on the wonderful world of defense procurement.

Our team of fictional journalists brings you the stories that read like satire but feel uncomfortably close to reality. From billion-dollar boondoggles to procurement processes that make Kafka look straightforward, we cover it all.

Our Mission

We believe that laughter is the best medicine for a system that spends more on PowerPoint presentations than some countries spend on their entire defense budgets. Our mission is to entertain, inform, and occasionally make defense professionals spit out their coffee.

Disclaimer

The National Acquirer is a satirical publication. All stories, characters, quotes, and scenarios are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual acquisition disasters is purely intentional and deeply unsurprising. We are not affiliated with any government agency, defense contractor, or anyone who has ever successfully navigated a DD Form 1149.

Contact

Have a tip, complaint, or a story so absurd it might actually be true? Visit our contact page to get in touch.